One week ago today, October 19th 2010, marks the day that changes my life forever. We went through a rocky pregnancy from start to finish. Sadie had been diagnosed SUA and IUGR and I had been diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. Talks of possible early pre-term C-section, down syndrome and dwarfism were all being discussed. And I was put on bed rest for the last 3 months of pregnancy.
There was many times throughout the pregnancy that I wondered if I would even have my baby, and if I did – would she be able to have a normal life without disability?
Monday, October 18th 2010 came around and I was 36 weeks 4 days pregnant. I knew my delivery was coming in the next few weeks and I felt so lucky that I had made it that far – against all odds. We had our hospital bags all packed and placed by the front door in preparation for when the big day hit. It was about 12 noon and Devin and I decided to go to the grocery store to pick up some sandwiches for lunch. I was having contractions on the way to the grocery store, which was completely normal for me. I had been experiencing regular contractions since 7 months pregnant and was being monitored twice weekly because of them. The contractions got a bit stronger at the grocery store and I had Devin get me home a little quicker because I was a bit uncomfortable. I thought eating and drinking a lot of water would make the contractions subside. When they didn’t I decided to go lay down for a while because that usually helps. The pain dulled a bit and I got up to do some housework. When the contractions came back I started timing them because all though they weren’t necessarily more painful than usual but they seemed to be pretty regular. Low and behold the contractions were 5 minutes apart and lasting 1 minute long. My uterus was also remaining hard even between contractions, which was not usual. I decided to call my OB just for some reassurance that everything was ok. It was 4:30pm so I called her office just before closing. I told her my symptoms and she said I should head down to labor & delivery at the hospital just to get checked out.
Devin and I wondered if we should bring the hospital bag with us. We kind of chuckled at the idea of it, but thought it would be a smart choice just in case. The drive to the hospital was fun. We made jokes and kept the mood light despite the fact that we were nervous that there might be something wrong with the baby.
At labor and delivery they got me changed into a hospital gown and hooked me up to monitors to track my contractions and watch Sadie’s heartbeat. They were counting my contractions at every 5 minutes and had my OB, Dr. T come into check me. Dr. T did an internal exam said I was dilated to a 1.5cm and was 75% effaced. She said I was in labor and would probably have a baby by 8am the next morning.
Shock.
I look over at Devin with huge wide eyes and he just starts laughing and crying at the same time and rushes to my side to kiss my face all over.
Shock! I couldn’t believe it! I in no way thought we were in labor. I felt so happy yet overwhelmed. I didn’t take the time to absorb the drive to the hospital. I never got the chance of nostalgia, to think the next time I’d see my little house in the hill or pet the dog, I’d be a Mom.
We asked Dr. T if we should go ahead and call our families and she said we should – they’d have to be there bright and early to be there in time for the delivery. The nurse got me hooked up to an IV and set me up on Pitocin and we called both of our parents, which live in San Diego, a 2-hour drive away.
After the initial shock of discovering we were having a baby NOW…over 3 weeks early, subsided, we settled in for the night and got as comfortable as possible knowing that tomorrow morning was steadily approaching.
Devin slept like a baby all night. I struggled to get any rest at all. I was hungry, thirsty, uncomfortable and my contractions had gotten worse because of the Pitocin. The nurse continued to come in every 20 – 30 minutes to check my blood pressure and temperature. When the sun came up in the morning I felt relief that the night was over and that we would soon be holding our daughter. The nurse preformed an internal exam at about 5am and to my disappointment we found out that I was only dilated to 2 cm. The nurse told me that Dr T would be in around 7:30am to check in on me, but she had a feeling that she would probably send me home because I wasn’t progressing.
I felt embarrassed. Our families had already traveled up and were currently lodged up in hotels preparing to head to the hospital for the big day. We told our families to hold off in coming over until after we saw Dr. T just in case we would be going home. Dr. T made it in shortly and said she did not want to send me home because she knew I’d just be coming right back. She instead decided to break my water to get things moving along.
Breaking my water bag was amazingly painful. I was having contractions and the pressure from the Dr. on top of that was sending my body into an electric shock of pain. Finally, what felt like hours later, she released her hands and I felt a gush of water flow from my body. The pain only intensified from here.
I began having off the chart contractions. The pain was unreal. I began trying to meditate through them, which I had no practice or experience in doing. I just didn’t know how else to cope with it. I imagined each contraction to be a wave. I would feel the pain start in my lower back and wrap around my sides until it reached its peak in my abdomen. I tried to respect the synchrony of the contraction and welcome the pain wrapping itself around my body. The pain only got worse if I fought it and wished it to go away. So I sat and breathed through each crashing wave of pain with Devin by my side supporting me through each crash.
Our families began to arrive just in time for my contractions to worsen. It was very difficult for me to have so many visitors in the room while I was in such excruciating pain, but I know it was important to everyone since this is the first baby in both families. And it did make me feel good to have so much love and support around.
At 11:30am (24 hours into my labor) I finally received the epidural. This was a very painful experience. I was having contractions every two minutes at this point and had two strong contractions while getting the epidural in my spine. But almost immediately afterward I felt such relief. My legs became warm and soon after that they became completely numb. Since I was unable to use my legs I was put on a Foley Catheter so I could drain my bladder. I’m sure this probably hurt but I couldn’t feel a thing.
Being in labor for so long, with no eating, drinking, sleeping and all of the medications caused my temperature to rise. I was given medication to try and kill my fever and ice packs were put under my armpits and a cool compress on my forehead. I also got rushed with nausea. I was given more medication to fight the nausea.
At about 30 hours into my labor the exhaustion was very much beginning to set in. My fever had not broken and I was barely dilated to a 4. I knew I didn’t have much time left before I would be told I needed to have an emergency C-section. Going into labor having a vaginal delivery was my absolute number one priority and it meant a lot to me to be able to experience this. But after so much time in labor I felt defeated. I was exhausted beyond belief and just wanted it to be over. It had taken so long to get to where I was -33 hours of labor to only be at 5 cm. Toward the end I actually forgot why I was at the hospital and just thought I was very sick. I couldn’t even imagine that this would all result in holding my baby in my arms.
I was given a few moments alone with Devin and I cried to him and told him I couldn’t do it anymore. I wept and told him I knew I was having a C-section and I was scared. I was too exhausted to push even if they told me I could. I honestly didn’t know how I could go on any longer.
At about 10pm on day 2 of labor I started feeling contractions in my lower abdomen despite the epidural. I told the nurse that the epidural was wearing off, but I didn’t want any more drugs. She touched my legs and asked me if I could feel that, and I said I couldn’t. She said “Hmmm let me check you" and proceeded to do another internal exam. She finished up and as she was removing her gloves she asked me, “Who all are you having in the room when you deliver?” I told her that I would like to have Devin, my Mother and my sister. She said to go ahead and gather them and I asked why, and she very matter of factly said back, “Because you’re going to start pushing now.”
Apparently the “contractions” I was feeling was really just the pressure of Sadie’s head trying to come out. I could not believe it; I had gone from a 5cm to a 10cm in two hours! My brother gave me a kiss on the cheek and went out to gather my sister and Mother and let everyone else know that it was show time.
I remember lying there and feeling so tired, so beyond tired. I couldn’t push, I had no strength and I was scared. I was terrified. Devin was holding my hand and kissing my face. He was smile from ear to ear and was so happy to meet his little girl. He tried to calm me and told me I could do it, that this was it, this was the moment, and I could do it, he knew I could. My sister and Mother came in and looked at me with such joy. All I felt was fear and uncertainty. I had these faces all staring at me looking for something, looking for some sort of an expression from me and looking to me to make all of this waiting come to an end and deliver a little girl. I felt pressure and was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to do it. I was shaking and could barely speak. I was so nervous about so many things.
It all started happening so fast. Push! The Doctor and the nurses cheered me on. Push! Devin held my leg back and grabbed my hands. Push! Devin started shrieking he could see her head! She was blonde. Push! I pushed as hard as I could, with every muscle in my body. I closed my eyes and got into my zone. I didn’t make a sound except for the release of my breathe after every big push. Push! Dr. T yells, “Stacey, open your eyes!” I open up and look and see her. My daughter emerging out of my body. Her perfect tiny little body moving about wildly and making the tiniest little cry I’d ever heard. I exploded with emotion. I cried and sobbed and laughed as Dr. T placed Sadie’s naked body on my chest. I was overcome with love. I loved her so much. I couldn’t believe it, she was here in my arms and she was mine. She is the little girl I had been dreaming about for the past 9 months. I was finally seeing her face. I cried and cried and told her I loved her. I told her she is beautiful and I kissed her head over and over. I thanked her, thank you, thank you, thank you, I love you. I kissed Devin, I told him I loved him, I love him so much. We did it.
We were given a few moments alone with our new baby before the rest of the family came in. Those moments were so very special. We stared at our little 6.1 lb baby and felt so proud of what we’d done.
Sadie was taken to the baby nursery to get her medical check up and I was finally able to be moved into the recovery post partum room. Devin and the nurse helped me into a wheelchair and got me to the shower where I was able to sit and Devin could wash me off before I could finally go to sleep. As the nurse and Devin were attempting to get me dressed and out of the shower I felt a sudden urge to throw up which quickly turned into everything whiting out.
I fainted. All life was removed from my body and I had no control. I couldn’t see or hear anything. I was so hot and I thought I would vomit. The nurse put ammonia under my nostrils to wake me up and her and Devin patted my naked body down with cold wet towels trying to revive me. When I finally came to, I was put on a gurney and wheeled to my room where I would recover for the next 2 days.
Sadly, because I fainted and had such an extraordinarily long labor (35 hours) the nurses had to keep Sadie in the nursery over night so I could rest myself. I was so anxious to have her back in my arms. By 6am the next morning I had her in my room and on my chest. She is beautiful. She is perfect. I can’t believe she is mine. I can’t believe she is now home with me. My life will never be the same. Pregnancy and labor were so hard, so draining and so scary. But Sadie has stolen my heart and she is the most incredible thing I have ever done. I would do it again in a heartbeat. To my little girl Sadie, I love you.
